Sunday, October 19, 2014


The past three weeks has been very quiet - nothing special have happened.
Haven't watched anything new besides Captain America 2. I think the most interesting things i've done is going to Sweden 2 weekends in a row. I'm actually growing a little fond of the idea of small escapes in between because my second year has been a little more tough than . 

Today I went out to a reunion - a gathering for my high school friends. To my surprise, only the girls showed up at the Mexican restaurant. We were about 2/3 that came for the reunion and quite many that had moved away came to the dinner. 

Some have i not seen for over 2 years and some had i just seen yesterday. They were all familiar faces, looked exactly the same as i remembered them but there was something about them that made them look like strangers all of them. When we talked i found out how much i've missed out on everything since many of them are still in touch with each other and some others still live in Odense. I moved to Copenhagen and with that move, i somehow ended up cutting connections to quite many of them. It's not on purpose but that happens. 
We all talked the whole evening. Talked about school, about holidays and about future plans. In the end: talking about nothing. Nothing was too personal but the same speech prepared for these kind of gatherings. Like if it was an uncle asking me about school and stuff, it would be the same words in the same order coming out. I felt awkward the most of the times and especially with those girls i used to be closest to. After dinner we separated and i went with them i talked most with while being in high school.  I actually felt better out going with them i used to consider as superficial but somehow i went with the other group when we separated. The next 3 hours was spent on eavesdropping on things i weren't a part of anymore because i either was left out or just walked away myself from.  I used to be a whole other person when i was in high school and times has changed -  both me and also my interests. I'm happy i'm not that girl anymore because she was so insecure .... but i'm sad of what i lost when i cut her off. 
- I lost my closest friends through 3 years and a huge part of myself that made me happy because i always felt so full of love. I lost all that when i decided that i wanted control my life, that i wanted order in my chaos.  So I lost love - or I'm feel like that. 
Like everything just went down

and knowing that it's far from over just makes me bitter