Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Picture or it didn't happen

(it's me)  xD

Okay that must be the lamest opening i've used so far....  but I guess that's  the kind of quality content you can expect from me :p

I've been asked a lot about i've been up to lately and the answer is "not much". I know the blog has been empty but i have no idea about what to post at times when nothing "big" has happened.

 It's not only you i haven't given an update to. Even my family doesn't know how i've been doing. Usually I would give them a call thrice a month to let them know that i'm still alive and not doing anything that would give them a reason to worry. As always i will tell them that i'm okay and doing fine only to let the conversation turn into small talk before hanging up. I really want to tell them more but we're not good with "feelings". It's both hard to understand and talk about and my past experiences have showed me how hurt it can leave me when i open up. So it's pretty darn hard to put yourself in that vulnerable position again just to talk about something no one wants to hear you say.

I repeat a lot of what i say and it's mostly to remind myself that i'm not forgetting something. You may see that on the blog as well, but rest reassured that it's just my form for therapy. I repeat in order not to make the same mistakes because i'm bad at listening when i'm told of it.

While in a therapy session a long time ago, my therapist asked if there was anybody I would want call if i got into an accident. About 2 months ago i got hit by a car while biking and I really never planned to tell anybody about it before now. I wasn't hurt by the car itself but got pushed so i fell on the side and hit my shoulder on the pavement. No obvious head injuries luckily and i felt fine despite the fact that my shoulder took my whole bodyweight on it. I went back on the bike and went home like if nothing has happened. My cousin asked me how my day had been and the only thing i could tell her was "nothing special". I realised just recently that I was very stupid, not seeking medical attention immediately and if i wasn't "near death", i wouldn't let anybody know. I emailed my therapist about it and she told me that it seems like I have a problem about letting anybody worry about me and that there's no shame in making people worry. She asked me if i  would feel loved if somebody would worry about me or if i would feel like a burden and you already know what i answered. As a part of my mission to be better at loving myself, i have to overcome this "fear" of making people worried. I know I'm loved and it actually helps me love myself, because it just reminds me that I must be doing something right.

Ugh... Feels... It just got dark again.... So i'' get back to the positive stuff....

Well, what have I been doing lately ?

Right now I'm in Odense for easter vacation and will be here till the end of the week. In the last month's time i've been in London twice. I've been taking a lot of extra shifts at work. I've started to go to my local gym and i eat oatmeal for breakfast almost everyday now. First thing i did when i came to Odense was to go to the supermarket and buy milk and rolled oats.

 I've lined up for free Ice-cream and I've lined up in front of my workplace because of a birthday sale. I scored a pretty neat fox tail key chain from Alexander Mcqueen worth 3700 dkr but it was not worth the 11 hours of wait in the cold on a friday night. NOOOOOPE.... I aimed for a handbag or a kitchen aid, but home i went with a fox tail...
Well, i did score a nice duffel bag suitcase, 3 pair of jeans, a dress and a sweater for my grandmother so it was kind of worth it.

Now that i remember, I've got a funny (work) story for you.

I work in a department store where i sell shoes. I'm pretty large and often urge my customers to walk around in the department with the shoes they are trying on to really feel if the shoes are comfortable to walk with. Usually they would walk a few meters before returning and decide whether to buy or return the shoes, but last week a customer took me on my words. She tried a pair of boots with a pretty high heel and needed my opinion if she should go with the brown or black pair. I told her i liked the brown ones and that they would go pretty well with blue jeans, because the brown would intensify the blue in jeans. She told me that she mostly wore black and didn't have a pair of blue jeans so i jokingly told her that she could use the shoes as an excuse to buy jeans. As always, i urged the customer to take a walk with the shoes, so she left me with her purse and shopping bags. She was gone and for the next 1.5 hour i was busy with other customers but right after the storm she came back.... She walked straight up to me, quite fast and told me to look at her legs... and she was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and still with the shoes on... Taken by surprised that she took my advice, i just stood there frozen starring at the jeans... She hugged me and bought the boots...

Same day I sold a bag that my boss thought no one could sell because it's PU. Having plastic bags can  seem quite cheap so she guessed we wouldn't be able to sell it. I managed to sell one and that was by playing around with it for fun and checking myself out in the mirror wearing it. A customer saw me and asked if she could have the bag. I thought she wanted to get a look at it so i gave it to her and stepped back but for the next 2 minutes we would just look dumbfounded at each other. She meant to buy it and just tried to hint it to me and i just couldn't believe it, so i froze again making it awkward. After that i asked if i could go on a break because i felt so stupid.

Thinking about it, it wasn't even funny at all.... But i guess that's what my humor has gone to since i've been at work a lot....

What else have i been doing ? Oh yes! I've been to a 100 days birthday for my niece and I had quite a lot to drink. I can say that much that Kpop was something i had to share with everybody that night and my fascination of ballons came to a whole other level that i couldn't hold myself back from drawing Saitama from One Punch Man on all ballons that i could get.  I insisted on taking the best looking one home and i'm actually quite proud because i cannot draw at all. not even sober.

I've went to Bilka at 2 am to buy random shit with a friend after pouring down 3 beers (that's more than what i usually can take). I found a basket full of stuff for only 10 dkr and found myself some pretty neat stuff, which was what i thought at that time. I bought a hello kitty toothpaste set, blond hair dye, self tanner, sun oil, lip stick applicator and a set of baby pacifier.... dont ask me why i picked these things.... but last time i was that drunk and had the opportunity to shop at night i bought couple toothbrushes ..... and that was when i was in South Korea...  I'm not smart when i'm drunk!
When i took the stuff to the cashier it costed way more that it was supposed to... Like it costed 400 kr more than it was supposed to so i told the cashier to correct the prices. Despite my bad breath and the obvious fact that i was drunk, she was nice enough to correct it for me. Later i found out that it might had been me who made a mistake but I'm not going to complain since i got it all for 60 dkr.  xD

A few days ago my neighbour posted that she wanted to get rid of her old lamp so i asked her if i could get it. With no patience for someone to put it up for me, I tried by myself and actually got it to work. The next hour i silently celebrated for myself by lying on a mattress looking at it and afterwards i rewarded myself with a bowl of sorbet. 

Saturday, I went to Jpopcon before going to Odense and it was pretty fun. This years theme was pokemon and i was so hyped when i saw all my favourite heroes in human size. I spend a lot of money on food and candy and after chasing it for almost 2 years, I finally got a Vegeta pop figure from Dragonball. I was so happy i almost cried.

I guess that's it ... Good Night !

And as always here's a song for you!