Saturday, March 10, 2012


Tomorrow I will leave for Iceland ... and i have mixed feelings about this.
I'm worried for my siblings, but i'm also filled with hate and anger for my parents and therefore i can't wai till i'm out of here!

Yesterday i spend the evening at Dzu's place with my siblings and we made delicious waffles! Baaby joined us later and we talked non-stop till 3 am. I have really missed those nights, when we used to throw slumber parties like the one last night and it felt great to catch up with them.
   We talked about our parents and they both found it surprising that my relationship with both my mother and my father was like non-existing. I do really care for them, but i loathe to talk with them. Every single time they open their mouth it means hell is having a barbecue and i'm supposed to be the meat. They have never supported me in anything. I can't do anything because they think that i will put shame on the family name, which is also the reason why I HAVE to loose weight. They're ashamed of me.

I used to be heavier and chubbier and I remember that whenever we went somewhere, they always told me not to stand or be close to them - especially when we went out grocery shopping and do you expect to meet Queen Elisabeth when you are at the local supermarket, just to pick up some bananas ? I don't hope so !

I have just gained about 2 kg, which is really visible... and I just got yelled at once again. I don't want to complain, to argue or fight with them over this matter, but i hate the fact that my dad proudly tells that he has lost 2 kg. The thing is that it has taken him more than 6 months. He wants me to exercise some more, and since he has seen that Baaby has lost weight (A lot), he keeps pushing me further. I run until i can't walk, I bike until the tires are flat, and exercise until i throw up and my chest keeps aching - and no I do not complain. He wants me the best and I believe in him, but I CAN'T STAND that he says "it is only for  my own sake".... Yes it is true that it is for my own sake, but then he adds "because nobody would like to be together with you, because you're ugly and that might infect them". If he had left out that part, I wouldn't be as angry as I am.  Still he makes me the biggest dish and tells me to eat up or otherwise i won't be allowed through heaven's gates, because I have no respect for food.

Wow... I think I have to go to bed now. I easily get exhausted when i'm angry. The train will depart 9.45 and I have to go to church 8. I have to wake up early so i'm off to bed now.

btw. the hostel deos have WI-FI!! :D