I'm back in Copenhagen after a wonderful and long vacation in Odense. I haven't done anything much while my stay there that is worth mentioning... I've been in Legoland with my family in which case i think it was the most exciting part of the past 3 weeks in Odense... and that was like 6 days ago...
I've found myself changed this summer. There's been a lot ups and downs for me personally but i've managed to grow with them instead of ignoring my problems. Some parts i still can't handle and try to ignore but i know the past will hunt me so i rather not run away from them.
I'm trying to care less about what people say, but the problem with me is that i care too much when it comes what family speaks of. I can't write this without making it sound wrong but it feels like my family operates like a mafia, when it comes to the ranking system. Respect and pride is the whole foundation, a crumbling one. We fight for power and for a spotless reputation in between. We aren't even royals yet we act like we are.
- I've somehow reached the point where i just don't care anymore or don't even want to worry about others.... Not even the ones i hold most dear. If i'm able to make others happy i would do it because it makes me happy that they're successful but at the same time it tears down my personal happiness ..... I feel more burden to make others happy than doing something for myself.
I've been trying to help people in need.. yet they are people that can't be helped.. I only do it because i believe in them - that there's still something inside of them, kind and beautiful which i've had been found of in the past... but some people can't be helped, if they don't want to.... and that's so hard to comprehend sometimes, because why don't you want to be helped when you ask for it? If you ask for my hand, why won't you take it ?
That was kinda the wakeup call for me. I need to be more carefree and selfish because my "saviour"-behaviour is killing my happiness at the moment.
About my previous post - If you felt that i was pointing out on someone specific or feel targeted, i'm not sorry. I aired my opinion as a blogger i supposed to and i don't regret it.
