Saturday, February 7, 2015

One-fifth life crisis

If you say that i get to live till i'm no more and no less than a hundred years old, you can already say i've lived a fifth of my life... So i guess that makes me eligible to say that i have reached a milestone and had my fair share of up/down experiences... and thus that, what have i actually learned? 

Nothing much, to be honest but nevertheless i'm much richer with lifetime experiences that i have grown with. I get to learn something new everyday - I learn from people and just from their experiences, so i still have the chance to make my own mistakes and learn from them. For that I'm thankful. 
I've probably leaned much more than i'm gonna write down in this post, but this is just quick-narrowed down version of what i would think is the most essential. And here it goes:



1) Do what you like 
Life too short to deal with stuff and people you don't like anyways so rather spend it on something/someone you like, than letting time go to waste.
Be skilled in something that you like - not something you want tot use to impress others with. Chances are you're gonna lose interest in it when you lose interest in that person you're doing it for. So if you want to watch game of thrones, then be the best at it! 

2) Set ambitions but set your efforts even higher
The world doesn't owe you anything, so you'll have to work for what you want in life. Nobody are entitled to certain things. Hard work is difficult but it’s necessary for success. Ambitions are good but it's nothing if you don't have the right mind and the will to back it up. It's like empty words/promises.

3) Trouble ahead? Deal with it quick
I often think that i have 99 problems but the truth is that 89 of them are self made up scenarios i'm never going to deal with anyways. After many "fights"(read: struggles) I've realised that i could have spared myself some pain, if i just had faced my fear for confrontation a bit sooner. Anybody would have to, sooner or later, deal with problems so why not do it earlier and when it's less troublesome instead of letting them go out hand?  Disasters are just problems that didn't get solved when they were small. 

4) You Can’t Please Everyone 
When i realised that it's completely impossible to please everyone, my life became so much easier. Like DUH it's clear, but somehow, for a really long time, i kept believing that i could the best crowd pleaser until someone had to spell it out for me that I couldn't - and also that i shouldn't. If you aim for every target, you'll probably miss all of them. Don't waste time and worry about people you cannot make happy. Just focus on those that actually make you happy and make them even happier. Also accept that people will and are talking about you - you just choose to hear or to listen to it. Choose wisely my friend!

And here's me when i realise a person said something offensive, but the person saying it isn't even worth caring for so i'll be like: "Ugh... So sorry but my ears are bleeding form the crap you just let out from your mouth. Please do not litter!".

5) Stay true to yourself
You know yourself best but sometimes that gets mixed up with the ideal person you want to be. Dont lie to yourself because liars don't see the reflections of themselves when looking into mirrors. Changing yourself for the better is only good, but changing yourself OR your looks to please others OR to fit in is wrong in so many ways. Be that individual that you want to be and don't worry about if people might not like that, because there will always be somebody that love and respect the person you are. Rest in yourself and you'll be a much happier and more confident person. 

6) Health is actually important but dont rush it
Good health is a thing I lack of in so many ways i can't count and over the years i've realised that maintaining a good health is much harder than anything else. It's another kind of goal but it's that kind of goal you can feel on your body. Set any kind of goal you want but be realistic with the timehorisont. What you start doing now, pays of in the long run and not on the short so keep going even though you don't see the big result soon enough. So if it means a new juicepresser, doing jumping jacks daily or start lifting weights, all I can say is just do it and do it only for yourself. You'll both feel and see results and it makes your mentally stronger as well. Health is actually your most valuable asset so it's worth caring for. You're actually investing in another day in your account to wake up to. But remember you should do it because you like it not because of anything else. 
- Then again I love my cousins' cakes too much to even give a damn about my lack of physical health. JUST ENJOY FOOD AND DONT HAVE ANY KIND OF LIMITATIONS! I'm strictly against cutting certain foods out because of a diet (yes, I know it is ironic because I used to be a vegetarian for 2 years but i was mentally out of place). 

7)  Do not "Treat people how you wanted to be treated".
This sounds so weird but I once heard a priest say that "treating people like how you wanted to be treated is not the best to do". The problem lies in the way this gesture of love is executed because it can become a selfish action. If i love candy and i keep giving my sister candy, it is not a problem. The problem is if she doesn't like candy and i know it and if i only give it to her in order to get something in return.  You shouldn't give and ask something in return because that's selfish. What you control yourself is the giving part - you choose what to give. So why not just give what the other party wanted? Why not just treat others as how they like to be treated and not you? Misunderstandings comes often because we tend to treat people the way we want them to treat us and that why we have to differentiate between these two actions.  In any given case my sister happens to be sad, i would need to talk to her about it because that's how she deals with her sorrows but when it comes to myself, i rather not talk at all because i like to left alone with my thought. If i happened to just leave her alone, as the way i wished for myself, she would be disappointed and even more sad. So get to understand the important people in your life and how they want to be treated in any given situation instead of assuming and go to conclusion that they might just like the way you like it to be. 

8) Balance
I've learned that you have to look at yourself, if you keep having the same kind of problems with other people. You cannot fix people around you - that's their own job to do. One thing you can fix is yourself. Reflect on your behaviour, the way you communicate or if your pride is in the way. It's not all arguments you need to win and sometimes not letting go of your pride can result you losing somebody in your life that you care about. Dont be a jerk but most important, don't be a crowd pleaser. Know your worth and dont ever let yourself down in order to please somebody else. Be a good person but dont take crap from just anybody if they have no other intentions than to hurt you. Pick your fights and sometimes there are things not even worth fighting for so let them be. 

9) Dress to impress
People are gonna judge you by your looks so there's nothing vain about investing in your looks.  If you dress well, more people are going to respect you also because in these situations a good first impression is crucial to the outcome of the event. Look like the person you want people to see - not what you think they want to see.  Often we put ourselves in that situation where we will see ourselves in a third person's view, giving judgemental stares into the mirror. Again, what you see in the mirror is not what people will see. People don't see your birthmark on your chin or notice that you're using a blanket as a scarf because quite many are too focused about their own looks to actually care for others. Theres is as well another side to the coin as there is another side to you. Try to remember if you ever seen a person looking beautiful because of what they are wearing or moreover because they were looking confident in what they were wearing. In my opinion it's important to be whoever you want to be - also in your choice of clothing. Confidence is the key to become succesfull with pretty much anything in life and quite much of that confidence can be found from being confident with your looks. People both admire and trust a person who is confident because its indicator of competence. 

Here wearing mom's A/W 1999 sleeping dress.  Pay attention to the unique pattern and the level 1000 coziness there is to this dress. 

Next is the black leather jacket anno 2013 from Zara Men collection and this colorfull scarf. Please note that the scarf is actually a rolled up blanket. 

10) Be a little daring 
Sometimes if you want anything you'll have to do it yourself. For instance when it comes to guys, if you like that guy across the street - ask him out. Don't wait for him to make the move and that comes to everything here in life. Don't wait for things to happen but seize it yourself. Don't overthink too much and don't care about what people think of you because there's a bigger chance that they dont even think of you the way YOU think they will do. In the end it's all the voices in your head that judges you and by that i mean YOU and YOURSELF and not because you assume what people think is true. 
Take a risque and dont care - It might make you happy. 

11) Stay humble 
With hard work comes great results and of course you need to get a little shine upon that effort you made but remember to stay humble. No one likes a person that sees everybody as a rival and compares themselves to them and also brags about any little achievement  You can compete and you can brag as long it dont gets out of hand. Remember your roots and what you came from and in the end, the experience of achieving something itself is a blessing - way better than posting it up on facebook, hunting for confidence boosters (read:likes...), so remember to appreciate what you got and what you have earned because you've earned it.  

12) No more right than wrong 
if people don't agree with you, it doesn't mean you're wrong and neither does it mean that they're right. It's a battle of opinions so it's actually okay to agree on disagreeing.  Dont' be afraid to stand out.  

13) Network 
Networking is super important so talk to people and dont be afraid to meet new people!! It both teaches you how to encounter people and making lasting relations - both personally and professionally and it also gives off a better self esteem. We all know it: Anybody who's confident with themselves seems to be trustworthy, so networking helps your profile as well.  Let me honest: grades count when it comes to your future work but not as much as work experience. Let alone the the network can be a huge source of jobs and that is exactly because you get this personal stamp of being a competent person. To think of it i've never really had a bad experience when it comes to learn to know new people. My advice is just to throw yourself out there: bar, school, work, supermarket, cinema etc. and give yourself and other people a chance to make each other better. 

14) Conquer the world!
I was gifted a scratch map for my birthday and i was super excited to get it up on the wall and mark my territory. I then realised, despite travelling almost every year, that there was still a huge world out there i was missing out on. In DK quite many go on a self-rediscovering journey after highschool and i kind of skipped that chapter in my life, going straight to university after finishing high school  I don't regret anything because i know my hard work now will pay off some day but i still wish that i had taken some time off to travel some more before getting locked up for at least 3 years.  My advice would be: Travel when you have time and have the opportunity. Travelling is, in my opinion, the best investment you can make - it doesn't pay off in dollars, euros etc. but in happiness. 

15) Be positive 
Or at least try to. If you're having a bad day, a really bad problem or is in a bad situation, don't call it judgement day yet. Even if it happens to be the worse time of your life, you know there has been better times so keep up the mood and move on because everything will get better eventually by time. Lingering in the past is not helping you anywhere and only causing you to dwell in bad memories. Always give your best - even if you're feeling blue. Your smile may save the day for some and in return their smiles can save yours. 
Also if you want people not to focus on something negatively, then don't use the word "don't" in that sentence. The word will gain unwanted attention to the thing you wanted them to avoid thinking about. 

16) Date often, date much, date many
The more, the many you date, the more you'll find out about yourself and what you like in another, perhaps significant person. It also teaches you how to talk and be around others. It doesn't mean that every date has to have a result, an outcome, but you'll also learn to enjoy time and have fun in the company of others. Super good excuse to just go out and enjoy it and maybe you'll find yourself someone while having fun. Remember you're not forced to love anybody. 

17) Other peoples' goals are not yours
There's so much competition going on whenever it comes to grades, work and even when it comes to appearance. It's sad that you even compete without even being aware of it. What is more important is to think about your goals. Set your OWN goals and don't do things because of others, if it isn't because you're inspired by them. If you're doing it because you're competing with others, you won't really be happy with any kind of result until you've pleased the other party. It's all based upon their opinion and unfortunately we use too much time to be our best in front of people whom we don't even like. The best critic you can have is yourself and you're the only one who can judge yourself. Also don't let yourself be pushed in to somebody else's daydream of you. You shouldn't study law because others want you to. 

18) Life goes on and so should you
Everybody will experience a faillure. It can be exams, love, work etc. but remember that faillures happen for something and it is to remind you that there's something you can do better. When you fail, don't dwell to much into it because it will bring your down and eat up your self esteem. Don't let it get to you but admit defeat and get up again and do the same thing but do it better the second time around. After all you're only human and failures are the best life lessons you can have.

19) Don't take anything for granted
Everything comes and go but don't ever take anything for granted. In just a splitsecond a person you love can be taken away from you so remember to cherish good moments and the people you have around you. Spend and dont waste what you have been granted also fight till the very end and never give up if you really want something. Even the worse situations you have been in can be a good lesson to cherish. 

20) Don't worry 
Last and most important of all : Dont worry. 
Worry gets you worse than sorrow, anger or any other negative feeling that you might have. It makes you cringe whenever you casually let yourself think 2 years ahead and actually especially when you think about your future. Everything you're worrying about (read:everything) and constantly thinking of it, would be like, you being a champion runner and then shooting yourself in the foot. It limits the effort you would put in to anything and not letting you do what you're best at. It makes you scared and only let you think that any case scenario only can be the worst one, you can come up with.  Chances of what you're thinking is going to happen, is just as big as the best case scenario, you can think of. Don't limit yourself into thinking on a short-term basis and let you dream with no limitations. When it comes to problems, many things actually sort themselves out at some point.  Even if they dont, you got time to analyse and make up your mind about it, making yourself better suited for dealing with conflicts appearing in your life instead of rushing "head on first" and maybe break something. 

Bonus ?
21) (because i'll be 21 later this year) - Have a little self irony 

Pheewww .... that was a long post..... 

Here's the moon wearing a beanie. 

And the "soultrack" of the moment