Heartbreak subscription

Credits to The Script 

{inner thoughts}




I'm a person that thinks to far ahead. I have a bad habit of making up romantic scenarios with people that are most unlikely to happen. EVER. Me starring in some of them is partly a problem .  I only come to like that person for a short amount of time and that ranges from 10 minutes to one week and then i have forgotten the person. 

I've have had my affairs with love - one sided, two sided etc. - and i'm not over with it. I still believe in love, because i've felt it when it was the real to me but then again i want to be through with it... 

Love gives me joy and when it leaves it takes not only what it had brought me but a part of me leaves with it. 

I feel like I'm looking for someone. Like if i'm supposed to.
Like as if it was a task for me. 

Moreover I'm looking for some things 

and convince myself that I can find them in you. 

I believe that i need you to make me happy

But I have been down this road before

figuring out what to say to make you mine
Just to make you mine
Just to own you. 

but I know theres something missing
Having you isn't enough
Isn't what i want

and it's starting to feel like the wrong thing to do

Trying to convince myself i found one 

Even though you tell me you're not in it

You're in it for the love
The excitement and the security 

but not in it for me

because what's love?
Have you ever felt it ?
Have you ever felt anything ? 

Who am i to judge you on the past

I bet there's a reason for it all
For every words
For every lies

But even to myself, I never listen

making the same mistake i never learned from 

but being around you makes me forget

distracts me from my path 

and makes me lose focus for what I was aiming for
I was aiming for you
And when i missed
I tried again
But realising that i couldn't ever hit something that doesn't want to be hit
Made me reconsider
Now i'm aiming again 

but this time you're not the goal

just a way to get what i want
Just another point on the scoreboard
another trophy, but this one is not one, i will be proud of. 

Even if i know i won't get it 

I still continue 

Ask me if i do this a lot

like The Weeknd - I say often. 

I'm messing around 

What qualities was I looking for before?

I search for something when I'm missing it

and disappear when I'm bored

Being comfortable makes me bored

but most of all 

i need to feel secure. 

What's the rush on commitment anyways?

I feel like: what i can offer, is never worth wanting

But I aint different

Why do I always want thing i cannot have?

When I want, they don't.

Vice versa.

Probably why I’m scared to put the time in

Because time is what you lose

among the many other things that you didn't offer

but is it worth it ?

For me it is
The pain and the tears

How much does a heartbreak cost?

I dont think anybody can make them on demand

Not even you,
but if you did

i would subscribe to your service

Because out of everybody
I wouldn't want to have my heart broken by anyone else than you

Who else than me is worth settling for?



I dont want to want you.
But thats the only thing i can i do


[how are you supposed to find the one when anyone new, is the one to you]